Frankie’s Fan Club (maybe)



EVER since I got that letter from Zac about joining my fan club I’ve had lots of people emailing, following, twittering, writing and stopping me in the street asking about when Frankie’s Fan Club will be starting up.

Now, I’m not saying there is going to be fan club. OK? But the things I’m about to mention are the kind of things we might maybe do IF I started a fan club.

First of all you would pay to become a member of Frankie’s Fan Club and you might get a certificate or something.

Then you could pay extra for other exciting things like.

Eat with Frankie

You could bring me some food at breakfast or dinner time and watch me eat it.
I like: raw red meat (lean beef or lamb), fish, chicken, carrots, bananas, apples, pears, rice, porridge, shredded wheat, broccoli, pears, pasta (cooked or not), those polony type of dog sausage things, liver treats, dry dog food, yoghurt, bread, toast and Vegemite, cheese, tomatoes, potato peel, roast potato, pumpkin, peas, beans and probably some other stuff I can’t remember.


I don’t like: lettuce (stupid food I reckon), cucumber (no thanks), mushrooms (they taste like dirt), capsicum (who made them up? And in lots of colours!). Oh, and oranges and lemons.
I can’t eat but would probably like: chocolate, nuts, sultanas and grapes.
After you watch me eat you could go home. Should take about a minute. Less if the food is easy to eat or there’s not much of it.

Run with Frankie

You could go to the park and watch me run if I feel like it. Or throw a ball and I might chase it.

Sing with Frankie

Soon I’ll tell you about an exciting development in my musical career. People often remark about my voice. “That’s very loud Frankie.” “That went right through me Frankie.” Maybe a member of the fan club could record a song with me. This would be very expensive obviously.

Photo with Frankie
You come to Fremantle Oval in your Dockers gear and I sit on your lap and a real photographer takes our photo – not your mum with her mobile phone.


Watch Frankie sleep
I was going to call this one Sleep with Frankie but Pav said that wasn’t a good idea for some reason. Micky Barlow reckoned it would be perfect but I got suspicious when he started giggling. Whatever. Apart from being quick, cute and having a big leap and solid bump I am, according to Ross, an elite sleeper. If you’re lucky you might see me run to my bed and start snoring within 20 seconds. However the chances are that I’ll be asleep when you arrive.

None of this might happen but if ever there is a Frankie’s Fan Club you could look forward to these and more. Let me know what you think.

I almost forgot this week’s game. It’s the derby and it’s Barra Mundy’s 200th game. I have this to say about the derby…

We are under no illusions. The Eagles are coming into some good form and they are a quality outfit. In derbies it doesn’t matter where you are on the ladder. West Coast are still a big chance for the finals and they have a lot to play for. We just have to think about the next training session. Did I mention we’re under no illusions.


8 thoughts on “Frankie’s Fan Club (maybe)

  1. I am Sophie Schnauzer and a couple of weeks ago, I suddenly went blind. My Mum is now my guide dog and she is getting better at stopping me walking into parked cars, cafe furniture and falling off street kerbs.
    I go to Murdoch Veterinary Hospital and I like the vets very much.
    If they get my diabetes under control , I might be having a cataract operation soon. Otherwise I will keep training my Mum as a guide god

  2. Sorry to hear that Sophie.
    I went to Murdoch Vet Hospital once when I done my back after a very big leap. I like them and they fixed me up.
    Hope you’re better soon. Make sure you listen to the derby on Saturday cos I’ll knock one of those Eagles over for you.

    Go Dockers

    • Thanks Frankie I”ll be listening as I always do mainly because my Guide God goes to the game and leaves me in charge of the sofa.
      I will wear my Dockers coat and my diamond looking collar with the purple strap. Sometimes my friend a black schnauzer comes to stay.her name was Gemmy but she had 13 teeth out and the vowel in her name has gone from e to u.
      She is only 6 so she hasn’t been brushing properly.
      I am glad my Mum is going to the game this Saturday. When she watches it on TV she shouts a lot of things at the players but they don’t seem to hear her .
      Thank God!
      Sophie Schnauzer.

      • Frankie
        I stuffed up my comment a moment ago because I have a sore paw from the Jo-jo.
        I had my cataract operation and now I can see. They put intra-ocular lenses 41 dioptres in both my eyes so SHE is not quite sure how far I can see.
        I have sacked her as my Seeing Eye God but she can still do the frig opening tasks for me.
        I also wanted to tell you I sing loudly to the local shop owners to their horror and I yodel to Rachmaninoff
        Sophie Schnauzer

  3. Hi Frankie,
    Streudel the schnauzer here.
    I reckon you should give up your day job and go on “The Voice”. Ive heard you sing and for your size youve got a good pair of lungs. I should know Ive heard it from my back yard.
    Also Good luck with the eagles on the Weekend.
    I know as schnauzers we are pretty good with crows, willy wag tails and twenty eights but I reckon eagles might give you more trouble than the smaller members of their species.

  4. Hi Frankie,
    What is your current contractual status, have there been any approaches from other clubs in relation to a pack (age) deal along the lines of yourself and Barra with free agency ? I am certain Collingwood would be very keen for at least one of you to make the move.

  5. Hello Mog

    You sound like some type of cat.
    Here’s a fact for you to consider. Frankie and Barra Mundy don’t like Magpies almost as much as we don’t like Eagles.

    Yours sincerely


  6. Sophie Schnauzer here. I have been a chicken neck luncher for years as a result I like Sylvia – medium portly and cuddly

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